Hey Buddy, you OK in there? Wars Over.

Well there you have it. Wars over. Listened to the speech in the car on the way home. It was raining, traffic was kind of heavy on the free way. I actually started to tear up. sort of... Well who cares. I wont remember the day the war ended, Ill always remember the days I was there. Forever. We are part of this fraternal brother / sisterhood now. War vets. The details don't matter, our stories wont matter, you get the dam hat at the little store on the way out of the VA clinic where you just picked up your meds, It will be black and say OEF / OIF with some gold wings, maybe pin your unit crest to it or a CIB some day, light up a smoke, and fade away. Cause that's what vets do. Fade away. We are not needed anymore. America's embarrassing little secret. Tools, tools for a job and now to be put away in the tool shed.

"Well Mr Mike, I know you have complained about something similar to attention deficit disorder, and the headaches you have are getting worse, and you keep telling me about these dreams and sleepless nights... come now, don't you think its time to stop pretending and dwelling on the war? you see.. its over. You really don't have these things... err issue's... do you. Now, lets try not to drink so much, quit smoking, get a little exercise, and why don't you come see me next year.  Good luck now. There you go, have a nice life."

I once had a flashback in the bathroom of a place where I worked. No shit. Right there in the bathroom stall. I was at my desk, doing what IT geeks do, and I thought I smelled burning garbage, ever, so slightly. You know, the kind that burned in Baghdad all year long. The huge mounds of it that never went out. The crap that hung in the early morning air like, well.. like smog... Sniff sniff. Where is that coming from? I looked around my cube farm. Geeks doing what geeks do and no burning candles or the like. We weren't allowed to have candles anyway. Then... the phone rang, but there wasn't a person on the other end it was a radio transmission.
     Echo one four, Echo one four, do you read over? Static, then nothing. I put the phone down.

What? What the hell? Then could hear it. Like it was right behind the wall from me, The "SMACK", "ZIP", "PING", of rounds impacting a wall. I looked around. My coworkers still sitting there, looking at their computer monitors, listening to ipods and talking on the phone. HMMWV engines, cars passing,  I'm insane, I'm going mad, that's it, something finally snapped and I'm going nuts. "pop", "pop", "pop", AK fire off in the distance, Then the ringing in my ears started, the smell of diesel, hot asphalt, and sweat in my nose, my vision was starting to tunnel, I got up, headed straight for the bathroom. Out into the hall way I passed a few people but either they dint notice or weren't paying attention, The tunnel was closing and the noise in my ears getting louder, I pushed open the bathroom door and slipped into the first stall and sat down... Tried to take a deep breath, I'm scared, this is real, oh shit... no one said it was going to be like this... "WHACK", "WHACK", "WHACK", impacts on the armor of the HMMWV,  Then heard someone yell "RPG" over the roar of a HMMWV engine. Tunnel closed. One loud "CRACK"...

That's it. Silence in a bathroom stall. In the middle of a huge office building. I'm sweating, breathing heavy, my hand hurts, sitting on a freaking toilet. Dam. I think I punched the stall door. Bathroom door opens, footsteps, someone is coming into the bathroom.

"Hey you alright in there?" A pair of shoes, right next to the stall now.

You remember when you were a kid? and once in awhile you wake up from a deep sleep and your just not quite sure where you are? Yeah, for a split second, that was me.

"Hey buddy, you OK?"

"Umm, yeah, Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry." Hit the handle on the toilet. Flush to provide a distraction.

"What are you yelling about?" All I could see where this guys shoes, and part of his slacks pants, from under the stall door. Black leather shoes, and  khaki tan slacks. Middle management I guess. Didn't recognize the voice either. There were hundreds of people in this part of the building and I picked the closest bathroom from my department, unfortunately it was in the main hall way.

"Umm on the phone, sorry." I lied. I was still sweating, and not just perspiration, I was sweating like right before you throw up, kind of sweating. It was late summer, but the airconditioning in the building made the air temp comfortable.

"Phone? You get signal in here. Well take it outside next time." The shoes walked away to the door. I thought I heard some grumbling about "What the heck was that all about? ", "That was weird" or something like "Said he was on the phone" or something like that as the door closed. I don't know how long I was out, even if it was a split second.

I waited in that stall until the coast was clear. Went to the sink and and splashed cold water on my face. Noticed I had sweat stains under my arms showing through my button up. The shirt was white and not to noticeable. I quickly cleaned and adjusted my hair a bit and headed back to my cube hoping not to be noticed.

I slid into my chair, and for the next 3 hours until quiting time, I prayed I didn't see those shoes in my department. I didn't.

I was fired 3 weeks later. "At will" employment state. Didn't get a reason, just a "we don't need you anymore" and the HR rep said "We don't need a reason".

I watched for those freaking shoes for 3 weeks until I was called into HR. I even looked to see if the moron who was firing me was wearing those God dammed shoes!

No worries, I found another job, but Ill never know, who wore those freaking shoes... and what did they hear? I don't remember and I guess that is question I want answered. That episode was for me, no one else, and Ill never know what happened. I kind of feel cheated.

So, what the hell does that have to do with the war ending Mr Mike? Huh? Well... nothing I guess. However, I will go through the rest of my life looking at shoes, metaphorically speaking, and these wars will end and I will still search. You see, the war isn't over, not for us.

Mike